


virtute deum

by ragingdrumboner



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Crying, Drama, Fluff, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Pining, Recreational Drug Use, Slow Burn, Social Anxiety, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-03
Updated: 2017-09-12
Packaged: 2018-11-23 01:31:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11392536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ragingdrumboner/pseuds/ragingdrumboner
Summary: arma virumque cano, et hominis, qui fato profugus, primum est in litore troiae ad italiam, et laviniaque venit litora - validis de fine per terram, et mare, virtute deum, fatis iunonis iniquae est bellum armaque se iram, et patientia in bello, dum in urbe condita."i sing of arms and the man, he who, exiled by fate, first came from the coast of troy to italy, and to lavinian shores – hurled about endlessly by land and sea, by virtue of the gods, by cruel juno's remorseless anger, long suffering also in war, until he founded a city."





	1. i cried out like in latin

**Author's Note:**

> i wasn't sure about making this more than one chapter at first but im deciding to go for it! anyways buckle up kids and prepare urselves for some daisuga, iwaoi and platonic oisuga.

The door closes with a slam, leaving the empty bathroom completely dark save for the golden light filtering through the blinds. Koushi blinks, his eyes adjusting to the light as he steps into the cold room. He glances back at the closed door, hearing the sounds of the party raging outside of it. With a stuttering breath, Koushi takes a step further into the bathroom and looks around, his heart racing and breath growing heavy.

Koushi’s really starting to wish he hadn’t come to this party, he doesn’t know anyone here aside from Oikawa, who he had came with. Although, shortly after arriving, the two had a falling out that had honestly been brewing for the last few days. Fortunately, the fight had occurred away from people, but that doesn’t soothe the pain that Koushi felt. The pair had been friends since their last year in high school and all through this first year in college. 

Koushi can’t help but feel a little bit like a creeper, just standing in the bathroom, but he’d rather fake pee than stand around awkwardly in the heart of the party pretending to check texts on his phone. As Koushi moves to a spot between the sink and the tub and slides down against the wall, he can’t help but think about how good it was to be apart of a pair, to have someone there with him as he adjusted to life in college. But now, and for no fault of his, Koushi is alone and his best friend is off somewhere in the party probably getting wasted off his ass and even a little stoned. Now Koushi was just...Koushi, in the bathroom, in the bathroom at a party, alone. 

The ashen haired first year tugs his knees up to his chest and decides to wait it all out until the party was done. He rests his cheek on his knees and picks at the grout in the wall, grieving over the loss of his friend, over how it’s just him and how he has no one else. Koushi sniffles softly, knowing that Oikawa's probably forgetting everything they had ever been and that Koushi was quickly becoming a memory, and one that was easily replaced.

Dimly through the door, Koushi can hear a drunk girl singing along to some mindless pop song and his heart seizes because he knew there would be no one to make fun of drunk girls with anymore. No one to stay up late and talk about the world with over the phone, no one to go and watch movies with while eating shitty movie theatre popcorn. Giving another hard sniffle, Koushi can feel pain pulsing in his head and in that moment, he half regrets drinking all those beers. Koushi chokes back tears, determined to stay seated in this bathroom for as long as he needs. Or maybe he’d just blame it on the weed he ended up smoking at the start of the party, or say there was something in his eye, not like anyone would really know. 

_Knock knock knock knock._

Koushi jolts and whips his head to look at the door where he swears he hears knuckles rapping against the wood. He knows that within moments there’d be yelling and shouting for him to get out of the bathroom.

_Knock knock knock knock._

“I’ll be out soon!” Koushi stutters, scrambling to his feet with his chest heaving and eyes still tear filled.

_Knock knock knock knock._

Koushi feels his hands start to shake now at the stress of being discovered by those at the party. His breath picks up and his heart begins to beat a million miles a minute. It sucks that he was left here alone. 

_Knock knock knock knock._

The knocking is frantic and Koushi really, really wishes he weren’t here in this teenage battlezone. They’re all college students, sure, but no one here is over the age of nineteen and it feels no different than any party he happened to go to in high school.

_Clang clang clang clang._

Koushi looks at the door again and sees the handle jolting and wiggling, the locked tumbler clanging against the hole it’s inserted into. He can really feel the pressure building up worse and his panic is only getting _worse_. He feels like he can’t breath and can only stare at the door, wide eyed and frozen as the handle jiggles more insistently. 

_Bang bang bang bang._

Oh, God. They’re _banging_ against the door now and they’re going to _break it down_ and _discover_ him in his crying, panicky mess. Koushi couldn’t handle such a thing and in an act of sheer will, manages to stumble to the sink and turn on the water.

_Splash splash splash splash._

Koushi can only hear the splash of the cool water against his face, slowly bringing him back to reality for just a moment at least. He feels better now and his heart has slowed along with his breathing. He stands up straight and goes to the door only to realize there wasn’t anymore knocking and there never had been any knocking in the first place. Koushi’s eyes grow wide at this realization and goes back to the sinking, yearning for a time where everything was clearing and Koushi wasn’t so scared that he was _hearing things_. 

As he stares at his face in the mirror, he can’t deny that there really is no sadder sight than himself, alone in the bathroom at a party. Koushi’s lip trembles and tears begin to bubble up and fall, he gasps in a wheezing, broken breath and drops his head. His hands curl against the porcelain sink and he watches as tears drop into the bowl of the sink, sliding down to join the other water droplets there. A broken sob escapes Koushi’s throat and he squeezes his fingers against the edge of the sink.

Koushi can’t help but wish that he had stayed at his dorm, in bed, watching a shitty romcom. Or better yet, wishes he had offed himself instead, wishes he was never even _born._ He knows that even with his now ex-friend at his side, Koushi was still seen as a loner and wouldn’t be surprised if there were rumors about him that he was some weirdo who was into drugs or some shit. Koushi feels like such a _loser_ , feels absolutely pathetic and completely and utterly alone. 

When Koushi hears knocking again, he thinks that it’s his mind playing tricks again, but then a voice accompanies the knocking and he quickly realizes it’s very real. Koushi freezes for a second when he sees the door handle move and he also realizes that he didn’t actually lock the door. He can only stare at the door, his face wet with tears with damp ashen locks plastered to his cheeks from both tears and the water he splashed onto his face earlier. The door opens and a familiar face pokes through it. 

It’s Sawamura, Daichi was his first name? Koushi can’t quite recall but knows that the man entering the bathroom was in his same math class and in the row in front of him. They had talked a few times and he seemed nice enough, but Koushi wouldn’t consider them close enough to be friends on any level. 

“Hello? Is anyone -- oh! Sugawara, is that you? Sorry I didn’t mean to --” he cuts himself off when he gets a good look of Koushi’s tear stained face and shaking figure. “Woah, hey, are you okay? You look like a wreck,” he comments, walking towards him.

“I-I’m fine,” Koushi stutters, “I-I’m sorry, I’ll get out of your way…” he mutters, trying to move past him only to be halted by the dark haired man.

“No, no, it’s alright, I don’t need to take a piss that badly and you’re clearly in need of some help,” he pauses, “do you need to get out of here? Are you here with someone? I can bring you back to your dorm,” he offers. Koushi sniffles and rubs his eyes, briefly considering brushing Daichi off again but decides he is too tired and too upset to deny any offering of help.

“Yeah, um...I came here with my friend but we got...into an argument and he kind of ditched me…” he murmurs, looking down again. 

Daichi frowns, “that’s really shitty, come on, I’ll drive you back to your dorm,” he tells him, beckoning Koushi to follow him. Koushi does but fidgets as he walks.

“Are you um, are you sure you’re okay to drive?” He asked softly, glancing up at the slightly taller man in front of him.

Daichi chuckles and smiles at Koushi, “oh yeah, I’ve only had like two beers and that was like two hours ago, I’m good,” he tells him. Koushi nods and manages to give a little smile when he sees Daichi’s smile. 

Feeling the wave of fresh air wash over his face is quite refreshing as Koushi walks outside alongside Daichi. He sighs softly and feels himself relaxing. The party had been loud, stuffy and sweaty, which had only made Koushi feel worse. But now that he’s outside, he feels like he can breathe again and already feels his mind clearing. 

Koushi climbs into the passenger seat of Daichi’s old, piece of shit, two door Saturn. The black leather is very worn and even a little torn on the edges. He sighs and leans back against the seat, waiting as Daichi climbs into the car.

“So, do you want me to take you to your dorm? Or would you rather go somewhere else? Another friend’s dorm or something?” Daichi asks, “I’m not sure if it’d really be a good idea for you to be alone right now...you looked really upset in there…”

Koushi can’t help but smile at Daichi’s concern, but the smile fades and he looks down at his hands. “Well...I don’t really have any other friends so…”

“Hm, well, is your roommate there? It’s better to have someone than no one, you know?” 

Koushi shakes his head, “no, he’s not there very often, and even so, we’re not close,” he explains, feeling kind of pathetic again. Daichi hums and suddenly puts the car into gear, starting to drive. Koushi blinks and looks up, confused. “Where are we going?” He asks, furrowing his brows.

“Ice cream, I know a place that’s open late,” he tells him, glancing at Koushi for a second before looking back to the road.

“Oh, um, thank you, but I uh, left my wallet at home…” he murmurs, feeling very guilty now all of a sudden. Daichi waves a hand.

“Don’t worry about it, I don’t mind,” he assures his passenger, looking to Koushi again with a grin. Koushi’s face flushes and he murmurs another thank you, smiling softly again. 

Once the pair have gotten their ice cream, Daichi gets vanilla which Koushi thinks fits him perfectly for reasons he can’t quite explain, and are settled into a booth, Daichi begins to talk.

“So, what happened exactly, if you don’t mind my asking? You don’t have to tell me of course, but if you want to…” Daichi trails off, looking to Koushi.

Koushi shifts and takes a bite of his own chocolate and peanut butter flavored ice cream, “well, I went to the party with my friend but uh, well, shortly after we got there we kind of ended up getting into a fight. I’m not surprised it happened cause things have been tense lately but...it still sucks…” Koushi sighs and set his spoon down, “I dunno, I guess I was just so distressed by it I went and hid in the bathroom.”

Daichi frowns, “that really sucks, Sugawara,” he comments.

“Suga. You can call me Suga, everyone does,” he tells his companion. Daichi nods.

“Right, Suga.” He repeats. He takes another bite of his ice cream and pauses, “who’s your friend?”

Koushi bites his lip and sighs, “Oikawa Tooru...we’ve been friends since our third year in high school and I dunno, things have been kind of tense with him lately.” 

“How so?” 

“Well,” Koushi pauses and thinks about the question, “I dunno, I guess college has just kind of changed him, it’s not really his fault, it’s just what’s happened and I should have expected it.” Koushi bites his lip, “I don’t think he realizes what’s happening and if he did he’d try to do something about it...I tried to tell him but that just made it worse.”

Daichi hums in thought, “well, maybe you could get someone else to help,” he suggests, swallowing down another spoonful of ice cream.

“Yeah, maybe I could ask his boyfriend, Iwaizumi, to help,” Koushi thought aloud, stirring his spoon in his little ice cream cup. He smiles softly and takes another bite before looking up at Daichi, “thank you for the help, Sawamura.”

Daichi blinks and smiles himself, “you’re welcome! Oh, and you can just call me Daichi,” he tells him. Koushi nods and looks down at his ice cream again until Daichi breaks the momentary silence. 

“You know,” Daichi laughs almost embarrassedly, “I’ve wanted to talk to you and uh, ask you to hang out for awhile,” Daichi tells him. Koushi blinks in surprise at this. Really? Sawamura Daichi from his math class wanted to hang out with him and has wanted to for awhile?

“Really?” Koushi asks with disbelief tinging his voice. Daichi smiles and nods, rubbing the back of his head awkwardly.

“Yeah, but I uh, well, I dunno, never had the courage to ask I guess. You always seemed so cool and I’m, I dunno, _not_ , and uh, well yeah,” he finishes, stumbling through his words.

Koushi giggles, “cool? Well, I dunno about that but, I’d be more than willing to hang out again, you seem like a really nice guy,” he tells him and then pauses for a second, “you know, I don’t know what I would’ve done if you hadn’t stumbled across me in the bathroom like that.”

Daichi smiles softly, “well, I’m kind of glad I did, ‘cause it gave me a chance to talk to you, so that’s one good thing that came from the party, right?”

Koushi grins and nods, “yeah, that’s true,” he agrees, staring down at his now empty ice cream cup. He yawns and rubs his eyes, feeling the exhaustion from the night’s events rolling over him. 

“Tired?” Daichi asks. Koushi nods and grins sleepily, Daichi only chuckles, “alright, let’s get you back to your dorm then.” Koushi hums and stands up along with Daichi and tosses out his cup before trotting out after his classmate. 

The pair talk softly on the way back to Koushi’s dorm and when they get there, Daichi looks to Koushi. 

“So, do you wanna hang out again sometime?” He asks, feeling almost nervous asking the question.

Koushi grins, “I’d love to, how about tomorrow?” 

Daichi blinks, surprised by how soon Koushi suggests they hang out. “Yeah! Sure!” He answers quickly, “I get done with my last class at two.”

“My last class gets done at one,” Koushi tells him, “so we could meet up sometime after that.”

Daichi nods, “oh, here, let me give you my number so I can text you.” Koushi feels his heart swell at this and he’s not sure why, but it’s at that moment he realizes he’s been feeling that way the entirety of the time he spent with Daichi. As Daichi reads him the numbers, Koushi punches them into his phone, his face growing a little flushed. Truthfully, Koushi had wanted to talk to Daichi for awhile as well, but couldn’t muster the courage; and now that he was talking to Daichi, getting his phone number even, he was glad that the night went the way it did.

“Okay,” Koushi says as he finishes saving Daichi’s number, “I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

“Yeah, I’ll text you and we can figure it out,” Daichi tells him, putting his phone away. Koushi nods and bids farewell to his newfound friend, climbing out of his car. 

As Koushi walks up to his room, he feels light and almost carefree. His feeling of anxiety and dread washed away and forgotten by the ice cream he shared with Daichi. He smiles softly and unlocks his door, walking into the empty dorm and sitting on the bed. He sighs softly, contently, and stares up at the ceiling. His mind wanders to Oikawa and he hurts a little bit, but not as much as before. He knows that maybe all is not really lost and he’s not completely alone anymore.


	2. the taste of dust in your mouth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "or maybe cool to be a little summer wind. like once through everything, and then away again. with the taste of dust in your mouth all day, but no need to know. like sadness, you just sail away."

The following morning, Koushi wakes up with a headache and a dry mouth. Despite the fact that Koushi only had a few beers the night before, Koushi is painfully aware of how just even those few were enough to give him a headache. Glancing over, Koushi sees that his roommate’s bed is empty, per usual. With a sigh, Koushi sits up and reaches for the bottle of ibuprofen on his bed stand, dumping two pills into his hand before swallowing them down with a swig of room temperature water from his water bottle. He picks up his glasses carefully, fitting the oval shaped wire frames over his eyes before grabbing for his phone. Upon turning it on, he blinks, seeing that he has a message from someone other than Oikawa.

**From: Sawamura Daichi**

_Hey! It’s Daichi from last night._

Koushi smiles when he reads the text, the memories of last night flooding back to him in full now. The fight with Oikawa, the break down in the bathroom, the ice cream with Daichi, it was all fairly clear despite the beers he had the night before. He glances down at his phone again and begins to reply, hitting send quickly. As Koushi tabs away from the conversation, he sees the last text he received from Oikawa just the night before.

**From: Tooru**

_okaaay, i’m on my way! (o･ω･o)_

He can’t help but smile a bit at the little kaomoji that accompanied Oikawa’s text, although, the smile fades when he realizes that that was the last text he received from Oikawa. Usually, after parties, Oikawa would text Koushi and make sure he made it home safe and was feeling okay, and if not right after, then he would before work or before his first class the following morning. However, there’s no such text and it’s edging on ten-thirty now, well after Oikawa’s first class. Koushi bites his lip, becoming worried about several things all at once. Worried that their fight was worse than he had initially thought, worried that something had happened to Oikawa the night before, worried that something happened between Oikawa and Iwaizumi, leaving the setter in a state of desolation. 

With a sigh, Koushi pads into the bathroom he and his roommate share. Clearing away some of his roommate’s clutter that has once again wandered onto his side of the sink, Koushi begins to get ready for class. As he’s putting his contacts in, his phone goes off, immediately drawing his attention away from the mirror. Pausing, he leans over and checks it, hoping that it’s a text from Oikawa, apologizing for last night and asking if he’s okay, but is disappointed to see it’s only a remind from his literature and thought professor reminding them to bring in the book they were reading for class that day. 

Once he finishes getting ready and packs up his backpack, stuffing his phone into his pocket before slipping out of his room. As he walks, he prays that Oikawa will talk to him when he gets there. The other first year shared the literature class with Koushi, though he only took it as apart of his liberal arts curriculum while Koushi had to take it for his major. He knew that Oikawa wasn’t a fan of the class though only went because Koushi made it bearable, so perhaps he’d be there to talk to Koushi about last night.

When Koushi pushes the door open and walks over to where he and Oikawa usually sit, his heart sinks a little bit, seeing that his friend’s seat is empty. Oikawa was usually there before him, but maybe he’s a little hung over still and is running late. Though his heart only sinks further when class starts and there’s still no sign of his best friend. 

Koushi can barely focus in class that day, he just stares at the lines of words on the page, not really reading anything or thinking about anything but Oikawa. His heart is racing the entire time and even feels sick to his stomach with anxiety. What if Oikawa was missing? Surely Iwaizumi would’ve contacted him if that was the case, but Koushi still worries. When class ends, Koushi is the first one out the door, immediately making his way for Oikawa’s and Iwaizumi’s dorm. 

The elevator ride up to Oikawa’s dorm is nerve wracking, Koushi tugs at the straps of his backpack and shifts nervously from foot to foot, glancing around restlessly. He quickly makes his way down the hall once the elevator door opens, swallows a breath and gently knocks against the door to Oikawa’s dorm. He bites his lip and takes a step back, fidgeting nervously even as he hears a groan from inside and footsteps from the door. The door opens and standing in its place is a clearly hungover Oikawa. His usually styled and neat caramel locks are a mess, his eyes look groggy and his clothes are a mess. 

“Koushi?” Oikawa asks, rubbing his face as he manages to focus in on the figure standing just outside his doorway.

“Hey,” Koushi greets, cracking his fingers anxiously, “are you alright? You didn’t text me this morning or last night, and you weren’t in class today so I wanted to check and make sure --” Oikawa cuts him off with a sigh.

“You worry too much, just because I don’t text you one time and skip a class I already dislike, you assume there’s something wrong?” He huffs, padding back into the dorm, leaving the door open so Koushi can come in, though Koushi remains just inside the doorway. He can see Iwaizumi blinking awake blearily on the bed, glancing to Koushi and giving a little nod in greeting as he stands and walks into the bathroom. 

“Well I’m sorry I care about my friend,” Koushi retorts, leaning against the doorway, “something I guess that’s been lost on you lately.” He pauses, “did you even think to ask anyone if I made it home okay last night? You certainly didn’t think to text me and ask, did you even care at all if I made it home?” He asks, anger stirring in his lower belly.

Oikawa scoffs, “I’m not your mother, Kou-chan, it’s not my job to worry about and dote over you,” he tells him bitingly, sitting down and swallowing a swig of what has to be flat Coke from his bedside table. 

“Don’t call me that,” Koushi snaps, crossing his arms, “and there’s a difference between doting, and making sure your friend isn’t _dead in a ditch_ somewhere,” he adds. 

Oikawa sighs and rolls his eyes, “whatever, I’m sorry, okay? In case you didn’t notice, I was a little drunk last night,” he points out, running a hand through his hair.

“More than a little,” Koushi comments, “it’s all you seem to do anymore,” he mutters, glancing away. Oikawa sits up and glares at him through messy bangs.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He asks, clearly growing just as frustrated as Koushi was now.

“You know exactly what it means,” Koushi retorts, looking back to meet Oikawa’s glare, which is quickly growing hotter and hotter, “all you ever do is go and get drunk with your new friends, we never hang out anymore unless you want to study or drag me to a party so I can sit and watch you get wasted off your ass!” Koushi nearly yells, standing up straight and away from the doorframe.

“Hey,” Oikawa snaps, “you had as much opportunity to join the volleyball team as I did and meet new people there, it’s not my fault you didn’t act upon it.”

Koushi scoffs, “yeah, and continue to play and live under your shadow? I’ll pass, thanks.” There’s silence for a few beats, “I’m still living underneath your shadow even now, everyone just sees me as ‘Oikawa-san’s friend from high school who’s kind of pretty, but not as cool as Oikawa-san’” Koushi sighs bad temperedly, glancing away.

“Oh, Kou-chan, no one thinks --”

“Would you quit calling me that?!” Koushi shouts, bring his arms away from his chest and curling his fingers into fists, “you are always so condescending to me and I’m sick of it! You treat me like I’m some poor little schoolgirl who doesn’t know anything and depends on you to guide me, but I’m not! You’re not some all-knowing king, Tooru! You don’t know everything and you’re not any better than the rest of us!” Koushi tells him, his voice loud enough to be heard from at least a few rooms down.

Oikawa stares at him with wide, offended eyes, he narrows them, “you know, it’s pretty ironic you say that considering you came here and practically lectured me on caring about the safety of a friend,” he quips, Koushi stiffens and narrows his own eyes.

“There’s a difference between wanting to be cared about, and wanting to be treated like a capable adult,” Koushi tells him. Oikawa blinks, looking as if he’s unsure what to say next in response. Instead, he sits down and runs a hand through his hair, sighing frustratedly. 

“I’m too hungover for this,” he mutters, tilting his head up to stare at the ceiling, closing his eyes slowly and exhaustedly, though at this point, the exhaustion isn’t just from the alcohol alone.

“Yeah, tell me about it,” Koushi grits out, “I’m out of here, come talk to me when you decide to stop being a drunken asshole,” he growls, turning and leaving. The last thing he hears is a ‘Koushi, wait!’ but he doesn’t stop or look back. He just gets into the elevator and rides down in silence, still boiling over with anger and frustration towards the idiocy of his best friend.

Koushi doesn’t break from the weight of the confrontation until he reaches his empty dorm room. It comes over him like a tsunami, bringing on tears as salty as seawater and sobs as loud as crashing waves. He sits on his bed and leans against the wall, burying crying heaves into his knees, all of the pressure that had built up during his fight with Oikawa flowing out of him in a rush. It doesn’t take long for him to cry himself out and fall asleep, bone tired from the force of his weeping.

The next time he wakes, it’s because his phone is buzzing like mad. Jerking up, Koushi reaches for it and sees that not only is it two-thirty, which means he missed his last class, but he’s late for his hanging out with Daichi. The reason for his vibrating phone is that said classmate is calling him, probably wondering where the ashen haired first year was. He swallows a still shaky breath and answers.

“Hello?”

 _”Suga! Hey, where are you? I’m by the tree in the courtyard where you said to meet, but I’ve been waiting for awhile and I dunno, I just got worried,”_ he explains. Koushi can’t contain his sniffle and sits up cross legged on the bed.

“Sorry, I fell asleep and forgot to set an alarm,” he tells him, “I’ll be there soon.”

 _”Okay but, are you okay? You sound kind of upset,”_ Daichi observes, Koushi can practically hear the troubled frown that Daichi is undoubtedly wearing through the phone.

“I’m fine, I just, I went and talked to Oikawa and it went less than great,” he explains, rubbing a hand through his hair.

 _”Oh shit,”_ he pauses and suddenly there’s shuffling, _“here, I’ll meet you at the front door of your building, okay?”_

“Oh, no, Daichi you don’t have to --”

 _“See you in five minutes,”_ Daichi says, and then hangs up. Koushi sighs and stands, going to the bathroom mirror to make himself look a little bit less like a complete disaster. He combs his hair and dabs some concealer to hide the bags that have formed under his eyes due to stress and exhaustion. When he deems himself acceptable, he grabs his phone and his wallet and pads downstairs quietly.

By the time he gets there, Daichi is alrighty waiting for him at the front door. He greets him upon opening the door and lets out another sigh, running a hand through his hair.

“I’m so sorry I made you wait, I just, I got back to the dorm and was exhausted from the whole thing,” he tells him, waving a hand and rubbing at his face tiredly.

“It’s alright,” he promises, “hey, I know you wanted to go to that literature fair, but there’s probably gonna be a lot of people there and it sounds like you had a rough day, do you wanna go somewhere a little quieter instead? Maybe that coffee shop on the edge of campus?”

Koushi nods, knowing Daichi was probably right. With the state he was in right now, being around a lot of people would surely make him feel worse, and nothing sounded better than a white chocolate mocha with three shots of caramel in it. Daichi smiles a little bit and begins to lead the way there, talking softly about his day, not minding that Koushi didn’t say much in return. 

Daichi doesn’t ask about the fight with Oikawa, and for that, Koushi is grateful. Talking with Daichi, Koushi immediately starts to feel better, even better enough to comment on how Daichi drinks plain black coffee (“what are you? An old man?”). Koushi learns a lot about Daichi through their conversation at the coffee shop. He learns that Daichi plays on the college volleyball team as well, which would explain his presence at the party the night before, considering a good portion of the volleyball team had been there, learns that he’s majoring in food science and intends to go to culinary school after getting his bachelor’s. 

He also learns that unlike Oikawa, Daichi’s easy to read and there’s never any question as to what the other first year was thinking. Koushi learns this as the two are walking through the now quiet campus at dusk.

Koushi glances over at Daichi and chuckles softly, “gee, someone’s thinking hard about something,” Koushi observes with a little smirk.

“Hm? Oh, yeah,” he admits, falling silent again. Koushi laughs a little bit.

“Are you gonna elaborate at all or just pretend to be some cool, stoic guy who just thinks about life,” Koushi asks and pauses, smiling a little bit, “if you don’t want to tell me you don’t have to, of course,” he tells him. Daichi is quiet again for a few beats before finally asking a question. 

“Suga, are you and Oikawa actually friends?” 

Koushi startles a little bit at this, not really expecting Daichi to ask such a straightforward question. He swallows and tugs at his fingers again, looking down. 

“Well I mean, _yeah,_ we’ve been best friends since our third year in high school,” he tells him, unable to look Daichi in the eyes now. 

“I’m sorry if I upset you, I just, based on the things you’ve told me he’s said to you, I can’t help but wonder,” Daichi explains, looking over at Koushi now. 

Koushi sighs, “I know it doesn’t sound like it right now but we’re still friends...at least I hope so...it’s just, I dunno,” he shrugs, “it’s just complicated right now,” he tries to explain, worrying his bottom lip just a little bit, thinking about the shouting match that had occurred between himself and Oikawa just hours before. Thinking about it makes his stomach stir uncomfortably again and his heart race, he knows he’ll have to deal with the aftermath of that sooner or later, though later would be preferred.

There’s silence again for a few more minutes before Daichi speaks up, “well, I mean, I know we just met like, yesterday, and met in kind of a weird way…”

“Weird?” Koushi half-giggles now, glancing up at Daichi.

“Well, I wouldn’t consider finding someone crying, half-drunk in a bathroom a normal way of meeting,” he explains, Koushi gives a full laugh at this.

Daichi smiles and continues on, “but, anyways, if you ever need someone to talk to about all this, don’t feel afraid to text me or whatever.” 

Koushi blinks and smiles, feeling a warmth spreading throughout his chest, “thanks Daichi,” he pauses, “you know, there is one person I’m sure is my friend,” he tells him, looking up at Daichi with a playful little smile.

“Oh yeah?” Daichi asks almost knowingly.

“Mhm, he drives a piece of shit car and dragged me to get ice cream after I had a breakdown in a bathroom,” he hums. The tease earns a chuckle from Daichi and a roll of his eyes.

“Oh, gee, whoever could that be?” He asks, laughing when Koushi lets out his own laugh.

When Koushi gets back to his dorm that night, his roommate is already passed out asleep, which was to be expected. He changes into his pajamas and crawls into bed, feeling considerably better than he did that morning. He falls asleep with Daichi on his mind, warmth in his chest, and little smile plastered to his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ngl got lowkey anxious writing the confrontation between oikawa and suga. hope you enjoyed this chapter and hopefully ill have the next one up next week!!
> 
> prompts are open [here!](https://dietycrow.tumblr.com/post/159622658794/hey-im-taking-writing-prompts-so-feel-more-than)


	3. it's the bitch of living

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "it's the bitch of living, with nothing going on. just the bitch of living asking 'what went wrong?'"

“Koushi, wait!” 

Tooru sighs as Suga storms out of the room, sitting back down on the bed and running a hand through his still messy hair. Hajime appears in the doorway of the bathroom with a toothbrush still in his mouth and Tooru looks up.

“Well that went well,” he observes, voice muffled by the toothbrush shoved into his mouth. 

“Shut up,” Tooru groans, flopping back onto the bed with his hands covering his eyes. There’s silence for a few beats before Hajime speaks up again.

“He’s kind of right you know.”

“What?”

Hajime sighs and leans over towards the sink, spitting out the foamy toothpaste in his mouth and rinsing before leaning back against the frame. “I said he’s kind of right, you have been brushing him off a lot lately.”

Tooru sits up with a frown and a quirked brow on his face, “wait, so, he comes here to start a fight with me and it’s _my_ fault?”

“Tooru, come on, you and I both know that Suga didn’t come here to start a fight,” Hajime tells him, crossing his arms as he peers at Tooru from the doorframe of the bathroom. “He came here because he was worried, you should be grateful that you have a friend who cares about you so much.”

The setter sighs and even puts on a little pout, “yeah well he doesn’t need to be such an asshole about it,” he huffs, crossing his arms.

Hajime raises a brow, “to be fair, Tooru, you’ve been kind of an asshole to him lately so I think he deserves a moment of assholeness.” 

“I have not!”

“Yes you have, he worries about you and cares about you and doesn’t want to lose you and you take that all for granted,” Hajime tells him, padding over to the closet to grab his gym bag. “And one of these days, he’s not going to be there for you and then you’ll realize how important he is, but it’ll be too late.” 

Tooru rolls his eyes, “that’s not going to happen, we’ve been best friends since high school.”

“Keep acting the way you are and you won’t be best friends for much longer,” Hajime warns as he slips into his shoes.

Tooru is silent for a few beats, watching him, “you’re going to the gym? Aren’t you hung over?”

“Yeah, kind of, but I also would like to not have my body screaming at me during practice tonight, so I’m going to go workout.” He slings his bag over his shoulder, “if you’re smart, you’ll come with instead of lazing around here like a deadbeat college student.”

“I’m not a deadbeat college student,” Tooru protests, getting up from their bed now.

“Prove it then,” Hajime challenges. Tooru huffs and begins getting ready, taking his sweet time in the way he knows Hajime hates. Soon enough, Tooru accompanies Hajime at the door and follows him out towards the campus gym.

\--

Later that night at volleyball practice, Tooru secretly thanks Hajime for dragging him to the gym, of course he would never tell the wing spiker that. As the pair are standing on the edge of the court, both swallowing down mouthfuls of water, Tooru finds his eye wandering to a small cluster of their teammates on the opposite side of the gym. He quickly realizes that the small cluster consists of Sawamura, Kuroo, Bokuto and of course Asahi, who is probably the closest to Sawamura out of anybody on the team. Tooru frowns a little bit, curiosity rising as he sees the almost glowing look on Sawamura’s face. 

While Tooru wouldn’t describe Sawamura as a grumpy or unhappy man, just simply serious and somewhat stern, he is a little surprised to see Sawamura looking so...happy. Tooru honestly thought the only emotions Sawamura felt consisted of yelling at the other first years and telling unfunny, dad-like jokes. Tooru nudges Hajime who’s standing next to him, staring at the upperclassmen as they harass one another. Hajime glances over at Tooru, taking another swig of water from his water bottle.

“Wonder what's got Sawamura in such a good mood,” he hums, bringing the spout of his water bottle back up to his lips.

“I think I heard him mention something about finally talking to the cute guy from his math class to Asahi, so it probably has something to do with that.” Hajime figures with a shrug, setting his water bottle down on the ground. Tooru hums and casts another glance at Sawamura before setting his own bottle down and trotting back onto the court with Hajime to practice some more before their break finishes.

On the opposite side of the gym, Daichi barely manages to dodge an aggressive head rub from Kuroo who is attempting to congratulate him for ‘finally working up the balls’ to talk to Suga; though, Daichi isn’t sure if being roughed up counts as congratulations. 

“So, when ya gonna kiss him?” Kuroo asks, a wicked but playful smirk coming onto his face. Daichi pushes his hand away again as it keeps trying to bury itself in his hair.

“I don’t know! Probably never, I doubt he’s into guys anyways so I’m trying not to get my hopes up,” he explains, leaning back against the wall to take another sip of water.

“You mean you’re just going to hang around your crush regardless if he likes you back?” Bokuto asks, crossing his arms and peering down at Daichi who’s sat on one of the chairs they have set up on the edge of the gym. 

“That sounds like torture, dude,” Kuroo chimes in.

Daichi rolls his eyes, “for one, I wouldn’t say he’s my crush, I think he’s cute and he seems nice but I’d like to get to know him a little better before definitively saying he’s my crush and for two, yes I am because I’m still interested in being his _friend_ which he really needs right now.” He tells them.

Bokuto hums, “that’s pretty cool of you then,” he looks over at Kuroo, “It’d kill me to be that close with Akaashi and not have him like me back.” 

Kuroo nods in agreement, “it was like that with Kenma for awhile, and it was tough, not gonna lie,” he sighs, ruffling a hand through his own messy bedhead as his thoughts return back to his boyfriend who was a year behind him.

“Well it’s different with you two, you’re already dating them so of course it’s hard to imagine, but with Suga,” Daichi shrugs, “I dunno, I only just met him like a day ago so I just kind of want to focus on getting to know him first.”

Next to him, Asahi finally speaks up after having listened to the entire converstation quietly. “Well, Daichi, no matter what happens, we’ll be here for you and support you,” he promises, smiling softly. Daichi smiles at his best friend and pushes him lightly on the shoulder in a show of affection.

“Thanks, Asahi.”

“Hey, don’t we get a thank you?” Kuroo asks with a pout.

Daichi looks back at them and raises a brow, “why would I thank you? All you did was harass me both physically and verbally, that’s all you ever do, actually.” 

“That’s not true! We also support you! We’re just more...intense about it, is all,” Kuroo protests, a look of mock-hurt coming onto his face, “right, Bokuto?” He asks, looking to his friend for backup. 

Bokuto nods, “right, we’re just not very good at the words part like Asahi is.”

Daichi chuckles and rolls his eyes, standing as the coach blows his whistle, signifying that the break is over and it’s time for practice to resume. 

\--

At the end of practice, Daichi once again finds himself being harassed by Kuroo and Bokuto, primarily Kuroo. He’s putting his practice clothes back into his bag when the duo trot over to them, and when he sees Kuroo’s messy raven locks out of the corner of his eye, he feels as though his soul is about to leave his body.

“So, when are ya gonna go out on another date with Suga-san?” He asks, leaning up against the wall and peering down at Daichi smugly.

“Okay, first of all, we haven’t even had _one_ date so we can’t have another one if we haven’t even had the first. And second of all, I have math tomorrow so I’ll see him tomorrow, and if he wants to hang out after then that’s what we’ll do,” he answers, zipping up his bag and standing to look up at Kuroo. “Why are you so invested in my love life all of a sudden?” He asks, raising a brow.

Kuroo reaches forwards and tugs at Daichi’s cheek, “I always care about my friends and their happiness, love life included,” he tells him, chuckling as Daichi swats his hand away. 

Asahi stands up next to Daichi, “you never care about my love life,” he points out, slinging his bag over his shoulder.

“That’s because the libero back at your school is head over heels for you and you’re head over heels for him too, you just need to work up the guts to tell him,” Kuroo explains, smirking when a blush rises onto Asahi’s face.

“He knows, we just decided to wait until he graduated to talk about it more,” Asahi tells him, fidgeting with the strap on his workout bag.

“Ah! See! There ya go, you figured it out on your own without my help,” Kuroo hums proudly, puffing his chest up a little and putting his hands on his hips.

Daichi rolls his eyes and begins to walk out of the locker room, “right, well, I’m fine without your help as well, surprisingly, I do know how to take care of myself,” he quips, glancing back at Kuroo who trots along after him.

“Oh, sure, when it comes to volleyball and cooking, but when it comes to love you’re totally hopeless,” Kuroo tells him, walking up alongside of him.

Daichi shakes his head, “I’m perfectly capable of figuring this out on my own, Kuroo, I assure you.”

“Okaaay, but when you come crawling to me for advice, don’t say I didn’t tell you so,” he practically singsongs, laughing as Daichi huffs and bids him farewell, walking out alongside Asahi. 

Bokuto looks over at Kuroo, “you really think he’ll need help?” He asks, tilting his head.

Kuroo shrugs, “maybe, hard to say, but if he does, well then, we’ll be here for him,” he assures, picking his own bag up off the floor. “Come on, let’s get back to the dorm.” Bokuto nods and grabs his own bag, following Kuroo out of the door. 

“I wanna call Akaashi when we get to the dorm, wanna ask how the team did the other day,” Bokuto tells him, walking alongside Kuroo as they made their way back to their dorm.

“Oh yeah, I suppose representative playoffs are happening now, huh, I should call Kenma,” Kuroo decides, digging through his pocket to track down his I.D. card to let them into the building.

Bokuto nods and smiles, “maybe we can go watch them at nationals,” he paused, “I bet Daichi would like to come,” he suggested, following Kuroo down the hall towards their dorm.

“Yeah, maybe he can bring his new boyfriend too,” Kuroo sniggers, opening up their door. Bokuto only lets out a laugh and shuts the door. 

\--

Back in Daichi’s dorm, the room is quiet save for the T.V. playing in the background and the sound of Asahi flipping pages in his textbook. Daichi is simply sitting up against the headboard of his bed, scrolling through his phone. He smiles when he reads a text one of his and Asahi’s former teammates has sent him. Daichi looks over at Asahi.

“Ennoshita says that we made it past prelims,” he tells him, Asahi looks up and smiles.

“Good, I’m sure they’re all excited,” he hums, leaning over to write something down.

Daichi nods and keeps scrolling through his phone, “maybe we can go see them at nationals.” Asahi only nods and makes a soft sound of affirmation before falling quiet again. The room is silent for a few minutes until Asahi speaks up.

“Hey Daichi, _do_ you like Suga-san?”

Daichi stiffens and tugs at his fingers, “I dunno...I mean, yeah, he’s pretty cool and um, I’d like to spend more time with him,” he mumbles, feeling a little flushed. Asahi looks over at him and smiles when he sees the blush coloring Daichi’s cheeks.

“Well, from what you’ve been saying about him, he seems like a nice guy, I’m glad you finally worked up the courage to talk to him,” Asahi tells him, Daichi lets out a laugh. 

“Yeah, well, it wasn’t exactly working up the courage and more so being in the right place at the right time,” he explains, running a hand through his hair. 

Asahi smiles softly, “well, it’s still a good thing,” he decides, setting his book to the side.

“Yeah,” Daichi agrees, smiling and looking down at his hands.

A little while later, Daichi finds himself dozing off, thinking about the day as he does. He thinks about Suga, about his former team, about his friends, and ultimately decides that things are going much better than he thought they would be. With a smile, Daichi pulls the blankets over his shoulders and dozes off peacefully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whooo more characters!! listen, kuroo, daichi, bokuto and asahi is such an interesting squad but im living.
> 
> hope you enjoyed and prompts are open [here!](https://dietycrow.tumblr.com/post/159622658794/hey-im-taking-writing-prompts-so-feel-more-than)


	4. the mirror-blue night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "and the whispers of fear, the chill up the spine, will steal away too, with a flick of the light. the minute you do it, with fingers so blind, you remove every bit of the blue from your mind."

Koushi spends the next few days avoiding Oikawa and spending time with Daichi. In that time, Koushi comes to realize a lot of things about his best friend and about the man who he’s quickly befriending.

He learns that Daichi is nothing like Oikawa, he’s simple, he means what he says and is straightforward, it’s a little refreshing if Koushi is honest. Oikawa’s sass and playfulness were fun, but they could also get tedious and frustrating. With Daichi, Koushi rarely feels frustrated and is at ease, knowing that there are no games to play with Daichi. 

Though as much as he likes spending time with Daichi, he can’t help but miss his high school friend. Oikawa has texted him plenty since the fight, but Koushi was still rather angry with the setter and didn’t have the energy to deal with him. Several of the texts contain Oikawa’s ‘apologies’ but Koushi knows they’re not very sincere, he can tell Oikawa just wants Koushi to forget about the fight but the thing is: Koushi is _done_ forgetting. For the last year and a half, for most of his life really, Koushi has forgiven and forgotten everything that’s ever been done to him, it’s easier. But not this time, he doesn’t care if it’s easier to forget, he’s not letting Oikawa get away with treating him like this. He doesn’t want to lose Oikawa’s friendship, because despite it all, Oikawa seems to be one of the only people who truly understands him, but that doesn’t mean he’s just going to let him do whatever he pleases. Oikawa had to learn eventually that his actions affect others in more than just one way and if Koushi had to be the one to teach him, then so be it. 

Koushi sighs as his phone goes off again, the sound of the Imperial March from _Star Wars_ fills the bathroom. It _was_ Beyonce’s "Flawless", but Koushi had to change it because after spending the night at Oikawa’s once, he quickly discovered that the setter did _not_ ‘wake up like this.’ Tired of hearing Oikawa’s ringtone going off and off and off again, Koushi reaches over and switches it to silent as he gets ready to meet Daichi. 

Daichi had invited him to a little get together with his friends, it was a little exciting and a little nerve-wracking. He’s sure Daichi’s friends are nice, but Koushi isn’t used to going to get togethers or parties without Oikawa, so this is a new experience. Koushi sighs loudly again as his phone vibrates more furiously than a vibrator left on at full power. Swiping the phone off the counter, he looks and sees the flood of texts Oikawa has sent him.

**From: Shittykawa**

_come onnnn koushi, answer meeeeee_

**From: Shittykawa**

_i said i was sorry!_

Koushi rolls his eyes, sure, he might have said sorry in the technical term. The words ‘I’m’ and ‘sorry’ were definitely sent to him in one of Oikawa’s many texts, but they were far from meaningful and Koushi is far from ready to forgive.

**From: Shittykawa**

_do you wanna go to that coffee shop you like just outside of campus? pleaaaase? so we can talk this out?_

Koushi stares at the text and finally decides to reply, now that Oikawa is showing some interest in reconciling properly. 

**To: Shittykawa**

_i’m busy tonight. maybe later._

He sends it and receives a message from Oikawa not one minute later. Jeez. He must be sitting and staring at the messages, waiting.

**From: Shittykawa**

_busy? with what? studying? you can take a break for one night!_

**To: Shittykawa**

_it’s none of your business what i’m busy with, but for the record, no it’s not studying. i’m just busy, okay? leave me alone i’ll talk to you later._

Koushi sends the text and feels his phone vibrate again, but only picks it up to read the message and put Oikawa on mute. Setting his phone down, Koushi finishes getting ready, dabbing concealer on his face and mascara on his eyelashes so he looks a little bit less like a zombie. He combs his hair into place and adjusts his clothes on last time before grabbing his phone and wallet, walking out to meet Daichi at his dorm. 

As he waits outside, he checks the time, hoping he’s not here too early. Daichi said eight and it was seven forty-five, Koushi had anticipated the walk to Daichi’s building would take longer than it did. But sure enough, within a few minutes of his knocking, the door swings open only to reveal a giant standing behind it. 

Koushi shrinks back instinctively at the sight of the monster who is now standing in front of him. His hair is long and chin bearded, giving him somewhat of a delinquent-esque look combined with his broad shoulders and strong arms. Koushi swallows a little bit. Was this one of Daichi’s friends? Maybe he assumed too much about Daichi’s friends…

“Oh! You must be Suga,” the behemoth says, “Daichi’s just down grabbing his laundry, he’ll be back up in a second,” he tells him, opening up the door. Koushi nods slowly and steps through the door, “my name’s Asahi, I’m his roommate.”

“Suga, er -- I suppose you know that already,” he says with a half laugh, rubbing the back of his head. Asahi doesn’t _seem_ like the brute his image portrays, though Koushi is still a little anxious. Koushi looks around awkwardly, wishing he had gotten here when Daichi was here. Koushi had a tendency to get anxious when meeting new people, which was why up until recently, he was only friends with Oikawa. He struggled to make friends in his classes and at the parties Oikawa dragged him to, mostly because his anxiety made it hard for him. He preferred to stay to the corner of the room at parties while Oikawa was at the dead center, being the absolute life of the party. 

“So, you and Daichi met at a party?” Asahi asks him, pulling Koushi out of his racing thoughts.

“Huh?” He blurts, “oh, uh, yeah, heh,” he runs a hand through his hair, “he kind of stumbled upon me in the bathroom, not exactly your average meeting.”

Asahi smiles softly, “well, Daichi sure talks about you a lot, he seems to like hanging out with you.”

Koushi feels his chest grow warm at the thought of Daichi talking about him to his friends, he smiles himself, “well that’s good, cause I like hanging out with him too.”

The door swings open and Daichi emerges through it with a laundry basket, clothes have spilled over the edge and Daichi looking a little winded. 

“I had to walk up the stairs, some idiot got stuck in the elevator,” Daichi pants, dropping the laundry basket down. He stands up straight and cracks his back before setting eyes on Koushi, “oh, Suga, you’re here early,” he observes.

“Oh, um, yeah, sorry, I thought it’d take longer to walk here than it did,” he explains, smiling helplessly. 

Daichi waves a hand, “no worries, I’m sure Kuroo and Bokuto will be busting down the door any minute now,” he tells him, setting the laundry basket on his bed now. As if on cue, the door swings open with a bang, scaring the three boys inside. Daichi sighs and begins digging through the basket he set down. “Do you have to slam the door every time you come into our dorm? You’re gonna break the wall or get us in trouble from the noise, or both.”

“Knocking takes too long,” Kuroo declares, walking in with Bokuto at his side. It only took about five seconds for Kuroo to set sights on Koushi and slide over, his arm snaking his way around Koushi’s slender shoulders. “Soo, is this the Suga who’s gone and stolen our Daichi’s heart?”

Koushi’s eyes blow wide, “I, um, I don’t uh,” he stammers, only to be interrupted by Daichi pushing Kuroo away.

“Kuroo, oh my God! Shut up!” He huffs, Kuroo only smirks and chuckles as he returns to his spot next to Bokuto. Daichi sighs and glances to Koushi apologetically but doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t need to, really. Instead, he only motions towards the two intruders, “this is Kuroo and Bokuto, they’re my friends supposedly,” he introduces. Bokuto grins and Kuroo does a smug little wave. 

Asahi clears his throat, interrupting the brief silence, “so, where are we going tonight, Kuroo?” He asks, wincing a little bit when Kuroo’s already wicked smirk grows even more wicked.

“Figured we’d hit up the bar tonight,” he suggests, crossing his arms.

Daichi wrinkles his nose at the suggestion as he pulls out a shirt, “that place is so gross though,” he huffs, moving past Kuroo to go change in the bathroom.

Kuroo pouts, “it is not! It’s...tastefully shady,” he tells him. Daichi only scoffs from behind the bathroom door.

Koushi blinks and frowns, a little confused, “a bar? But, none of us are old enough to…”

Bokuto cuts him off this time, “there’s this little bar that doesn’t check I.D.’s really so we always go there, as long as you look like you’re of age and act like it, it’s totally fine,” he assures, grinning brightly. Koushi stares at Bokuto for a second, not knowing why he trusts him so much all of a sudden, but he does and nods slowly. 

Daichi steps out from the bathroom, adjusting his watch and tugging the unbuttoned flannel into its proper place. Koushi feels his heart leap a little bit at the sight of Daichi, used to seeing him in mostly t-shirts and blue jeans; but now he’s wearing dark jeans and a dark t-shirt underneath an orange flannel and Koushi would be lying if it didn’t make him feel a certain way. 

“Ready to go?” Kuroo asks, watching as Daichi slips his shoes on.

“Yeah, ready to go and get shanked on the dancefloor,” he mutters with a roll of his eyes, Kuroo only lets out a laugh and walks out the door first, followed by Bokuto. Daichi hangs back behind Asahi and walks alongside Koushi. “You alright with this?” He asks, his voice growing softer now. Koushi smiles and nods.

“Yeah, I snuck into a bar with Oikawa once, I’ll be fine,” he assures him, flashing him an assuring little smile. Daichi returns the smile and looks ahead again as they walk out of the building to head to the bar.

\--

The bar is about as shady as Daichi complained it was, there are college students everywhere, the place reeks of beer and it is way too hot from a combination of sweaty, dancing bodies and a lack of any sort of ventilation or air conditioning. There is a slight fear that someone might get stabbed tonight and a sense of reckless abandon about the place, it makes Koushi’s heart race a little bit, though whether it’s anxiety or the thrill of the atmosphere causing it, he can’t be sure. 

The five of them make their way to the bar and begin ordering their drinks, and about two beers later, Bokuto loudly suggests they do shots. Koushi shrugs and agrees, it’s Friday and he doesn’t work the next day, besides, after the week he’s had, he deserves to get a little drunk. 

The shots burn a little bit when they go down, but certainly contribute to the buzz Koushi already has going on. Around the seventh or eighth one, Koushi is really starting to feel it and is happily dragged onto the dance floor by Kuroo. Koushi’s face feels hot and his nerves are buzzing, though there’s just one thing missing. Koushi rushes off the dance floor and grabs Daichi by the wrist, trying to tug him off the barstool. 

“Come daaance,” he whines, pulling harder which isn’t very hard at all considering the state of drunkenness he’s in. 

“Nooo, I gotta,” Daichi hiccups, “I gotta stay ‘nd watch Asahi,” he slurs, pointing to the heap of a man next to him. Asahi’s face is buried into his arms and there’s sniffling, Koushi blinks at him for a few seconds before patting Daichi on the arm.

“Okay, but you gotta come dance later, okay?” He declares, staring at Daichi very intensely. 

“Okay,” Daichi promises with a head nod. Koushi grins and trots back to the dance floor to rejoin Kuroo and now Bokuto who has stumbled his way out. 

After dancing for a little while, Koushi feels a presence up against him, figuring it’s Daichi, he leans into the figure and giggles. Koushi is notorious for dancing rather sexually up against his friends, Lord know’s he’s done it to Oikawa enough times. However, when a hand ghosts down to his hip and an unfamiliar voice whispers into his ear, he quickly realizes it’s not Daichi he’s dancing up against. Trying to pull away, he mumbles an apology, looking around for Kuroo and Bokuto again. He frowns and furrows his brows, his face pulling into a displeased pout when the figure pulls him back.

“Hey let go --” he tries to say but is cut off by a little purr from the person behind him.

“Aw, come on, we were just having fun,” he hums, his hand curling around the lower part of Koushi’s stomach now.

Koushi growls a little bit and tries to stumble away, “no, I said let go of me,” he says more firmly, well, as firmly as he can while still slurring his words. He flinches and tugs his face away when the man’s free hand comes up to cup his face. “Don’t touch me!” He half-shouts, squeezing his eyes shut.

“But you’re so pretty,” he murmurs and Koushi wrinkles his nose. 

Koushi is ready to throw his elbow into the other man’s stomach when he suddenly feels him being torn away from Koushi. He peels open his eyes and sees Daichi pushing the other man away, his own movements kind of sloppy from alcohol but still strong.

“He said to let go,” he practically snarls, standing between the man and Koushi now. Koushi watches, eyes a little wide and heart fluttering a bit at seeing Daichi act so...protective. The man only scoffs and mutters something about how Koushi was dancing before slinking off, Daichi stares at him as he leaves before turning to Koushi. “Are you alright?” He asks, his voice still a little slow and slurred. Koushi nods and lets Daichi tug him back to the table they had claimed. He sits him down and pushes a bowl of pretzels towards him, which Koushi begins to snack on. 

The saltiness and dryness of the pretzels help bring him back a little bit, enough to apologize to Daichi for making him come out and rescue him. Daichi waves a hand, “it’s fine, though I’m sure you could’ve kicked his ass too, I just didn’t want it to get to that,” he explains, smiling softly. Koushi smiles too and rubs at his face, his brain still muddied from the alcohol coursing through his system. Koushi looks across at Asahi who’s staring at his phone and looking very sad.

“Is...is Asahi alright?” He asks, looking at Daichi grins and looks at the teary-eyed ace.

“Yeah, he jus’ misses his boyfriend,” he explains, Asahi looks up at Daichi’s words.

“He’s not,” he pauses and rubs at his eyes, “he’s not my boyfriend yet,” he hiccups, “but I want him to be,” he whimpers, tears bubbling up and spilling over now. Daichi laughs softly and reaches over with a tissue to dab at the tears.

“I know, but he’ll be graduated before you know it,” he promises, rubbing Asahi’s head softly. 

Koushi smiles and watches, resting his cheek against the table somewhat tiredly, “you’re a good guy, Daichi,” he tells him, giggling softly when he blushes. 

About half an hour later, Kuroo approaches the table with Bokuto who’s clearly had one drink too many. The larger man is draped over Kuroo rather ungracefully and looking like he’s about one drink away from throwing up. Upon seeing Bokuto, Daichi decides it best they call it a night and Kuroo agrees, Bokuto only mumbles something that sounds like an agreement but his words are too slurred to understand. 

When they return to campus, Kuroo bids them farewell and drags Bokuto off to their dorm, who is mumbling something about owls and how cool it is that they can turn their heads all the way around. Koushi follows Daichi up to his and Asahi’s dorm so Daichi can get Asahi situated before walking Koushi home. Koushi insists that Daichi doesn’t need to, but Daichi tells him he wants to anyways.

Once Asahi is properly tucked into bed with a glass of water in him, Daichi slips out of the dorm with Koushi. They stop when they approach the front door of Koushi’s building.

“Are you gonna be okay?” Daichi asks, peering at Koushi with concern in his eyes, his nerves still buzzing with alcohol, though it’s fading now. “Is your roommate there?”

Koushi shakes his head, “nah, he’s never really there,” he tells him, rubbing at his face, “but ‘ll be fine,” he promises.

“Your roommate doesn’t seem to be around often,” Daichi observes and Koushi kinda half giggles.

“Yeaaah, he has a girlfriend who lives in a campus apartment by herself, sooo…” he trails off and giggles again, “still doesn’t stop him from leaving his crap all over my side of the sink though.” Daichi laughs softly as well.

“Well, have a good night and text me if you need anything, okay?” He asks, Koushi nods obediently.

“Okey-dokey, g’night Daichi, thank you from saving me from weird creeper bar guys,” he laughs, grinning dopily as he opens up the door and waves goodbye to Daichi who’s waving back at him. 

When Koushi gets back to his room, he begins to get ready for bed, checking his phone before he shuts off the light. He sighs when he sees an onslaught of texts from Oikawa. Too tired and still a little drunk, he puts his phone on night mode and goes to sleep without replying to a single one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have never had a Single Alcohol once in my life so i hope this is accurate. hope you enjoyed!! also shoutout to david from the haikyuu gc for the flawless joke about oikawa lmfao
> 
> prompts are open [here!](https://dietycrow.tumblr.com/post/159622658794/hey-im-taking-writing-prompts-so-feel-more-than)


	5. longing on the wind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "listening, to the souls in the fool's night. fumbling mutely with their rude hands, and there's heartache without end."

The following morning, Koushi stirs to the sound of pounding in his head. He groans and turns over as the pounding continues, pulling the blanket over his head further. He hopes the headache will fade soon, but after another few minutes of pounding, he realizes the thudding is not in his head but is coming from someone knocking on the door. Heaving a sigh, Koushi sits up and rubs his face, groaning when he hears Oikawa’s voice through the door. As Koushi makes his way for the door, he feels vaguely nauseous but manages to push it away for now so he can answer the door. Koushi slowly opens it, he sees Oikawa looking like a mix of angry and anxious. 

“Oikawa…?” He asks, leaning against the door.

“Yeah, it’s me, about time you opened the door I called you about ten times and been here knocking for like five minutes,” Oikawa huffs, crossing his arms. He looks at Koushi, his sleepy eyes, bedraggled hair and almost nauseous look to his face and frowns, “you look like shit,” he tells him.

“I just woke up…” he answers, opening the door further to let Oikawa in before flopping back down on the bed. 

Oikawa sits down on his roommate’s bed and quirks his brow, “you look hungover,” Oikawa observes. Koushi reaches for the ibuprofen and glass of water he keeps on his bedside table, swallowing down a few pills and a bit of water.

“‘S cause I am…” Koushi murmurs, reaching for his glasses.

“You got drunk last night? Where? I don’t see any empty cans,” he frowns, looking around the half clean dorm. 

“I didn’t stay in, I went out with Daichi and his friends…” he mumbles, leaning back against the wall after rubbing his face again.

Oikawa blinks, “Daichi? As in Sawamura Daichi?”

“Mhm…”

A wicked smirk splits across Oikawa’s face at Koushi’s confirmation, “ooh, I know Daichi, he’s pretty handsome isn't he?” Oikawa asks rather smugly, Koushi’s face flushes and he shrugs.

“I mean, I guess, yeah,” he answers, trying to sound nonchalant as to not give Oikawa any further material to tease him with.

“Aww, come on Kou-chan, you like him, don't you?” He asks, scooting over to Koushi’s bed now.

Koushi huffs and looks away, “I dunno, I just met him,” he tells him, Oikawa only giggles.

“Don't be like that, Kou-chan, come on, just admit it,” he purrs. Koushi sighs, it's too early and his head hurts too much for this.

“I don't know, Oikawa, lay off, okay?” He snaps, glaring back at Oikawa. He relaxes when he sees the setter nod and lean back again.

“Okay, okay, but seriously, we need to talk,” Oikawa tells him, looking at Koushi again with a considerably less smug look.

Koushi nods, “yeah, I know.”

“Do you want to now? We could go to that café just off campus that you like,” he suggests. 

Koushi considers it, and honestly, coffee sounds amazing right now. So he agrees, albeit a little reluctantly because he’s still not sure if Oikawa really understands what Koushi is going through. Still, might as well try. As he gets ready, puts his contacts in, brushes his hair, he hears Oikawa rustling around.

“What are you doing?” He asks as he digs through his small collection of makeup.

“How is it your roommate manages to make such a mess despite never being here?” He hears Oikawa ask as well as the sound of things hitting the trash can.

Koushi can't help but smile at that, “one of life’s great mysteries I suppose,” he tells him, plucking out the new concealer he had been looking for.

Once Koushi finishes getting ready, he steps out to see Oikawa throwing away trash that had cumulated on his roommate’s side of the room. He smiles a bit and declares that he’s ready to go, and with that, the two leave the dorm.

\--

Koushi can't recall a time where coffee ever tasted as good as it does right now. He can feel himself physically relax upon taking his first sip, letting the drink fill him with warmth and energy. He looks up when Oikawa sits down across from him, taking his own sip of coffee.

“So,” Oikawa begins.

“So,” Koushi repeats, waiting for Oikawa to continue.

“I think we need to talk about the other day,” Oikawa tells him, curling his hands around his cup.

“I think so too.”

Oikawa sighs, “I guess, I just want to know why it is you're feeling like...like I don't care about you.”

Koushi shrugs, “I dunno, I guess I just feel like all you want to do is hang out with your new volleyball friends and drink, and I mean, I don't mind getting drunk once in awhile but I just,” he sighs, “I dunno, I feel like you don't want to be around me anymore and just want to be with them.”

“Well, Koushi, you know that they're more than willing to hang out with you too, they seem to like you too, but you never really make any attempt to get to know them better,” Oikawa frowns, taking a sip from his drink.

“I know, and I know it's my fault that's happening because I can't get over my stupid anxiety but,” he shrugs again, “I just wish you'd spend more time with me again, I mean, we were inseparable in high school and it's kind of hard for me now because I’ve been feeling kind of alone lately…”

Oikawa shifts, “well you had to know this kind of thing might happen, it _is_ college after all, it's a lot different from high school,” he tells him. Koushi sighs again.

“I know but…”

“I mean, you can't really blame me for getting so caught up in it, new team, new place, it's all so different,” Oikawa explains. Koushi frowns at this.

“Yeah but just because things are different doesn't mean you get to act like I don't exist…”

Oikawa frowns now, “I don't act like that.”

“You kind of do though,” Koushi tells him, “every time we go to a party you abandon me for your new friends, or every time we plan to hang out you blow me off to be with them.”

“Koushi it's not my fault you don't come with, I tell you you can come with every us every time. I mean, how long do you expect me to baby you for?”

Koushi feels a spark of anger light up within him, “I don't want you to baby me, I just want you to make more of an effort to actually be the best friend you claim to be,” Koushi huffs. 

“I do make an effort!”

“No you don't!” Koushi almost yells, “all you do is abandon me and pretend I don't exist anymore!”

“That's not true!”

“Yes it is! I just -- ugh, forget it, you don't understand,” he grits out, standing, “I’m leaving,” he declares.

“Koushi, wait! Just, tell me what you want me to do!” Oikawa begs, looking up at the former setter now.

“I want you to make a fucking effort, Oikawa, Jesus Christ, what more do I have to tell you to get you to understand?” Koushi bites out, exasperated.

“But I _do,”_ he claims, Koushi scoffs.

“Oh my God, you so don't, all you care is about you and how much fun you're having, you don't care about the feelings of anyone else, and don't try to tell me for a second that you do,” he growls, glaring down at Oikawa with nothing but anger in his usually warm eyes.

“Okay, then what do you want me to do about it?” Oikawa asks, almost desperate.

Koushi huffs, “if I tell you, then you'll never learn. I can't spoon feed this to you, Oikawa, I can't tell you how to be a good friend, it's something you have to figure out for yourself,” he tells him, crossing his arms. “So, until you figure it out, don't bother talking to me, see ya.” With that, he leaves, leaving his coffee behind and his best friend.

\--

As Koushi storms back to campus, he whips out his phone and calls Daichi, praying he’ll pick up. After the third ring, he hears the call being taken and relaxes.

 _“Hello?”_ Koushi hears Daichi say through the phone.

“Hey, Daichi, um,” Koushi bites his lip, suddenly feeling bad for calling his newfound friend, afraid he had disturbed him. “Are you um, are you doing anything right now?” He asks, chewing on his bottom lip nervously now.

 _“No, why?”_

“Can I...can I come over?” He asks, walking back onto campus now.

 _“Of course,”_ he pauses, _“is something wrong?”_

“Yeah...I’ll tell you about it when I get there,” he tells them, changing direction to head towards Daichi’s building.

 _“Okay, see you in a bit,_ ” he says.

“See you in a bit,” Koushi confirms, hanging up and walking towards the dorm.

Koushi arrives at Daichi’s dorm a few minutes later and knocks, still feeling frustrated with Oikawa. He had thought about the conversation with the setter more on the way over and had once again grown frustrated. Koushi relaxes a bit when Daichi opens the door and leads him inside.

“So,” Daichi begins, sitting down next to Koushi on his bed, “what happened?”

Koushi heaves a sigh and flops back against the wall, “why can't Oikawa understand just because we’re in college now doesn't mean he gets to be a shitty friend?” He asks, running his hands over his face.

Daichi hums, “I’m assuming you just got done talking to him?”

“Yeah,” he sighs, sitting up again, “he came to my dorm this morning after I ignored a bunch of his texts and woke me up, he wanted to go and get coffee and talk about what happened but...it didn't go well,” he explains, looking down at his hands. “He's just so, he's just so selfish! All he ever does is think about himself!”

Daichi nods and listens to Koushi rant and rave for awhile. Koushi tells him about what all was said, how much he wants Oikawa to be better and understand what Koushi is trying to tell him, how much he wants his best friend back and how much he wants things to be okay again. By the end of it all, he's slumped against the wall again with his head in his hands. Daichi leans over and runs a comforting hand across Koushi’s back.

“I know it's really rough right now, Suga, but it'll be okay, I’m sure you'll find a solution,” he tells him, “maybe you can talk to Iwaizumi and ask him what he thinks?” Daichi suggests, Koushi nods slowly.

“Yeah, maybe,” Koushi agrees, sighing, “I’m sorry if it seems like I’m only friends with you to complain and bitch about my problems, I swear that's not it, it's just,” he pauses and looks down at his fidgeting fingers, “you're really the only person I have in my life right now that will listen.”

Daichi smiles softly, “you're my friend, I don't mind helping you out,” he tells him. Koushi looks up and smiles.

“Thanks, Daichi.”

Daichi smiles and nods, “I was about to watch a movie, you want to watch?”

Koushi nods, “sure, what movie?” As Daichi stands to retrieve the movie, he suddenly looks embarrassed. “Oh God, it's not some smut film is it?”

Daichi splutters, “no! Oh my God, no, it's not anything like that,” he promises.

“Well then, what is it?”

Daichi blushes hotly, “Star Wars.”

Koushi perks up, “oh, I love those movies, why were you so embarrassed?”

The dark haired man runs a hand through his hair, “because um, I’ve never seen them,” he admits and Koushi is barely able to contain his wounded gasp.

“What?! How?!” He asks, eyes wide.

Daichi shrugs sheepishly, “my parents just never watched them so I never did either, they were more into Star Trek,” he explains.

“Hm, well, that's a shame, but it's okay, because we’re going to spend the whole day watching them,” he declares, scooting over to where Daichi is holding the movie. “Okay, but we are _not_ starting with The Phantom Menace,” he tells him, plucking the movie out of his hands.

“What? Why? Isn't it the first one?” Daichi asks, tilting his head as Koushi reaches for the fourth movie.

“Technically, yes, but it sucks along with the two following it,” he begins to explain, “the fourth one actually came out first in 1977, the first three came out starting in 1999 and they are...not great.” Koushi leans forwards to the DVD player on underneath the T.V. and puts the movie on.

“Jeez, you sure know a lot,” Daichi observes, sitting down next to him.

Koushi laughs and sits back, “well, I kind of grew up with them, so…” he trails off as the movie starts.

The marathon lasts well into the night, at some point the two order pizza and promptly devour it. Koushi answers every one of Daichi’s questions and even goes on to tell him all the lore and fun facts that he knows. By the end of it, Daichi is just as hooked as Koushi has been for years and Koushi has well forgotten his fight with Oikawa.

As the credits of the seventh movie roll, Daichi exhales, “woah, that was awesome,” he breathes, looking over at Koushi who’s grinning at him stupidly.

“I know right?”

“I can see why you like them so much,” Daichi observes, leaning over to shut the T.V. off.

Koushi smiles, “well I’m glad you like them as much as I do,” he hums, checking the time, “oh jeez, it’s late, and I still have some homework to do.”

“Really? But it’s Saturday, you have all day tomorrow,” Daichi points out.

“I know, but I like to get it done early,” he pauses, “if I get my homework done tonight, would you wanna hang out again tomorrow? We could watch Rogue One, since we didn’t get to today,” he suggests, fidgeting anxiously again.

“I’d love to, but Kuroo and the guys wanted to play a little practice match tomorrow, just for fun but I promised them,” he tells him.

Koushi nods and nudges him playfully, “hey, need a setter?” He jokes, smirking just a little bit.

“Actually, we do, Kuroo’s been wanting to practice spiking more and we can never track down Oikawa or any of the other setters to help us out,” he explains, “I didn’t know you used to play,” Daichi says, a little surprised.

“Oh, heh, yeah, I used to play on the same team as Oikawa but uh, well, I always kind of lived in his shadow so when we got to college I kind of stopped playing, but,” he pauses, “it’d be fun to play a bit again, just for fun, right?”

“Right,” Daichi confirms, smiling now.

Koushi nods again, “alright, if it’s okay with you guys, then I’m down,” he agrees, smiling when he sees Daichi smile.

“Great! I’ll text you tomorrow when we’re going,” he tells him, standing up as Koushi does. 

“Cool, I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

Daichi nods and follows Koushi to the door, “yep, see you tomorrow.” Koushi grins softly and bids Daichi farewell before padding out of his dorm and making his way to his own. 

The campus is dark and a little chilly, it’s early October now and it’s starting to get cooler, starting to rain more. Fortunately for Koushi, it’s not raining tonight but there is a cool breeze and Koushi kind of enjoys it, he’s always took more favor towards the cold than the heat. As Koushi walks back to his dorm, he looks over towards Oikawa’s building and sees that the setter’s light is on. He half wonders what he’s doing but can’t bring himself to care enough to find out. So he sets his sights back on his own building and makes his way back. 

Koushi pushes open the door with a somewhat relieved sigh, feeling incredibly tired, though he can’t sleep yet. He glances over towards his roommate’s side of the room and sees that the other man had indeed been there that day (there was a new mess made on the floor next to his bed) but was absent now. Shrugging, Koushi sits down at his desk and pulls out his notes and books. He picks up a pen and begins to read the endless lines of words on the page, his eyes falling half lidded as he does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> looks like oikawa is still not getting it smh oikawa get it 2gether. 
> 
> so sorry for this being so late but lifes been kind of busy lately so i havent had much time to write. but ill definitely try to have the next chapter up by thursday! if not probably friday. hope you enjoyed!!
> 
> also writing prompts are open [here!](https://dietycrow.tumblr.com/post/159622658794/hey-im-taking-writing-prompts-so-feel-more-than)


	6. who can say what dreams are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "and who can say what dreams are? wake me in time to be out in the cold. and who can say what we are? this is the reason for dreaming."

Koushi checks his phone, checking to make sure he’s heading to the right place. He’s only been to the gym where the volleyball team practices once or twice, and that was a few months ago now. His heart thrums with excitement as he walks towards the gym. It’s been so long since he’s played volleyball, well, just since the end of high school but it feels like ages. Though, it has been a long time since Koushi has played away from Oikawa, played in his own light instead of the shadow of his best friend’s. 

As Koushi approaches the door, he hears boisterous chatter inside and the sound of volleyballs striking the gym floor, echoing out loudly even through the shut door. Slowly, Koushi pushes open the door and peeks inside where he sees Daichi and his friends, along with some of what Koushi can only assume are a few other of Daichi’s teammates. Daichi immediately notices him and trots over, a smile on his face. 

“Suga!” He calls, coming to a stop as Koushi opens the door and shuts it once he’s stepped through. “Glad you could make it,” he says, tucking a volleyball under his arm. 

Koushi gives a soft smile, “well, thanks for inviting me, I didn’t really realize how much I missed playing until you said something,” he tells him, shifting his bag on his shoulder. 

Daichi grins and beckons him over to where the rest of their team for the day is standing. It consists of Kuroo, Bokuto, Asahi and one of the team’s liberos who introduces himself as Hirota. Once everything’s set up and ready, the match begins to start and from the beginning it's clear how casual it is. Still, it’s fun, more fun than Koushi has had playing volleyball in ages and with each set he becomes more and more grateful to Daichi for inviting him. 

As the game goes on, Koushi begins to learn more and more about Daichi’s friends outside of their drunken state he knew them in a few nights ago. He learns how Bokuto is loud and excitable, but it doesn’t take much to discourage him. Luckily, Kuroo seems to know how to deal with his moments of doubt when they happen. 

Kuroo, Koushi learns, is very smart when it comes to game sense, cunning and quick he always seems to know just what to do before anything has even happened yet. It’s a good quality to have in a teammate, of course, he’s also very prone to screwing around and getting caught up in antics with Bokuto. Some of these antics include harassing Daichi, which Koushi finds rather funny much to Daichi’s dismay. 

Finally, Koushi discovers just how much strength and power is underneath the glass heart that is Asahi. Koushi wasn’t exactly surprised that Asahi could hit hard, after all, he was rather tall and it was clear that he was strong, but it’s the fearlessness that Asahi has with each spike he approaches. It’s admirable and Koushi can see why he’s on this college level team, because while he’s quiet and nervous off the court, he’s strong and confident on it. 

As Koushi sets another toss to Asahi, he can’t help but give a little sigh. He doesn’t want this to end, he wants to keep playing with Daichi and his friends. He knows it wouldn’t be too late to join, and he’s gained enough compliments from all of Daichi’s teammates to know he would be an asset, but he also knows he’s not enough of an asset to surpass Oikawa. Because no matter what Koushi does, he knows he can never be up to the par that Oikawa is. He’s tried for years, but Oikawa has too much natural talent, too much honed skill that Koushi could never compete with. Koushi’s sure if he really was determined, he could work to get on Oikawa’s level, but even then it still doesn’t seem worth it. He has too many other things to focus on, acclimating to college, trying to do well in his classes, figure out the enigma that is making new friends; there’s no time for him to wile away the hours in a gym tossing volleyballs at water bottles until his palms sting. 

So with that in mind, Koushi continues to play to the best of his ability. It kind of sucks to think that the opportunity to play will be limited after this, but he still does everything he can to get his team to victory. In the end, that effort proves successful as Bokuto slams down one of Koushi’s sets, securing the twenty-fifth point of the final match. There’s cheering and Koushi jolts as Bokuto slaps a large hand against his back, exclaiming about how perfect that last set was. 

“As good as Akaashi’s?” Kuroo asks, teasing in his voice as he pads over. 

Bokuto looks genuinely torn for a moment before shaking his head, “no, nothing can ever beat Akaashi, sorry Suga,” he apologizes, looking to the ashen haired setter. 

Koushi only laughs and waves a hand, “it’s fine, it sounds like you and Akaashi are really made for each other, both on and off the court,” he comments, smiling softly.

Bokuto lights up again, “yeah! We are,” he grins, “I miss him though,” he adds, a forlorn look coming to his face for a moment.

“Aw come on, don’t be like that, you’ll get to see him next weekend, remember? It’s the national tournament,” Kuroo reminds him, placing a comforting hand on the larger boy’s shoulder. The ace nods and grins again, once again looking excited at the idea of seeing his boyfriend.

Daichi comes up next to Koushi, handing over the setter’s water bottle as he takes a sip from his own, “would you like to join us, Suga? We’re all going to support our teams and see how they’re doing,” he told him, smiling softly at him.

“Sure,” Koushi agrees, “my team didn’t make it, but it still sounds like fun,” he hums, taking a swallow from his water bottle. 

“Great, I’ll text you and let you know when we plan on going,” Daichi tells him, Koushi nods, now excited for the following weekend. 

Once everything is cleaned up, Koushi bids everyone a farewell, chuckling as he hears Bokuto complain about the homework he has to do for class the following morning. Koushi slings his bag over his shoulder and begins the trek back to his dorm, breathing in the gentle late night air. It fills his lungs and chills him slightly, but it’s a good kind of chill. It feels good against his heated and still a little sweat-slicked skin, ruffles through his hair softly and gently nips at his cheeks just so. In that moment, Koushi is able to forget about everything that’s plagued him in the last few days, the fight with Oikawa, the stress of classes, the anxiety that tends to overwhelm him nearly every day. For just a few minutes, Koushi just simply enjoys his surroundings, relaxed for even just a fleeting moment. 

Though, upon returning to his dorm -- which he sees has grown messy in the time he’s been away despite the fact his roommate is not there -- Koushi is reminded of everything that troubles him when he sees his phone screen completely littered with texts from Oikawa. Sighing, Koushi toes off his shoes and gets changed before sitting down to read what all Oikawa has texted him. 

**From: Shittykawa**

_suga? can we talk? i feel bad about yesterday…_

**From: Shittykawa**

_suga pleaaaase, i feel really bad please answer me_

**From: Shittykawa**

_come on, just answer, i know you’re there_

**From: Shittykawa**

_look, i’m sorry okay? just please dont be mad at me anymore_

The texts went on in that nature for awhile longer, and as Koushi scrolls through them he sees the most recent one was sent about half an hour ago. It too, begs for Koushi to forgive Oikawa and to no longer be mad at him. But the thing is, Koushi _is_ still mad and no amount of worthless ‘I’m sorry’ texts are gonna soothe that. Feeling frustrated, Koushi decides to let Oikawa know just that. 

**To: Shittykawa**

_hey, stop texting me so much, okay? im still pretty pissed off and im not really in the mood to try to drive through your thick skull why because no matter how many times i tell you, youre never going to get it. so just fuck off and leave me alone, okay? when im ready to talk, i’ll tell you, but you texting me like this only pisses me off more._

Koushi sends the text and slams his phone down with a huff. Was it a little harsh? Maybe, but he can’t bring himself to care. He was sick of Oikawa’s constant pestering and sick of how no matter how hard he tried, the setter still wouldn’t open his eyes enough to see what Koushi was talking about. So for now, he wanted nothing to do with Oikawa, not until the brunette learned for himself just what Koushi was talking about. And if that meant being blunt and kind of mean, then so be it. 

With a sigh, Koushi stands up and goes to get ready for bed. He hears his phone buzz on his bed but ignores it as he brushes his teeth and takes his sleeping pills. He couldn’t bring himself to care what form of begging Oikawa took to this time as he crawled under the covers and put his phone on the charger. 

As Koushi closes his eyes, he tries to think about the day he spent with Daichi and his friends. His mind goes back to the warm and comforting smile that Daichi wore every time Koushi looked at him, how that smile made him feel happy too. Or how Bokuto’s endless enthusiasm made him feel like he really was a halfway decent setter and like they truly enjoyed playing with them. His thoughts also retreat to the playful little quips Kuroo would say to Koushi, making him feel as though he belonged there, and Asahi’s gratefulness towards every toss he was given which helped boost Koushi’s own confidence. 

Sighing softly, Koushi pulls the blankets over himself and burrows into them, just wishing that he could stay in those moments forever instead of having to deal with his overdramatic, stupid best friend and his own pathetic and debilitating anxiety. Soon enough, Koushi finds himself falling into unconsciousness, sighing as he does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHAHAHAH HOLY SHIT IM SORRY THIS IS LIKE OVER A MONTH LATE I HAVE NO EXCUSE ASIDE FROM THAT IM A SHIT PERSON WHO IS BAD AT BEING A FIC WRITER OOPS
> 
> also im so sorry this chapter is short, i tried to make it longer but i didnt want to force it soooooo hahah yeahhh. hopefully the next one will be longer and will be posted quickly. thank u all tho who have stayed with this story despite my random month long hiatus ^^;
> 
> also now that im like writing again, ill hopefully be able to do some writing prompts so if u wanna submit one u can send them [here!](https://dietycrow.tumblr.com/post/159622658794/hey-im-taking-writing-prompts-so-feel-more-than)
> 
> anyways thank u all so much again for keeping up with this and i promise to post more regularly again!!

**Author's Note:**

> this first chapter is so Edgie but this fic is gonna be good i can feel it. im still gonna be working on karasuno no basuke as well as prompts so hopefully i can update quick!! thank you all for reading!!
> 
> prompts are open [here!](https://dietycrow.tumblr.com/post/159622658794/hey-im-taking-writing-prompts-so-feel-more-than)


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